Badass vs Dumbass
Master your Financial Kung Fu to be one and not the other.
Sifu: Ronin, did you catch up with your cousin Cletus after I spoke with him?
Ronin: Yeah, yeah – he talked off my ear the next day. What exactly did you tell him in your short talk? It’s like he’s a changed dude. New outlook on life, or something …
Sifu: Maybe he’s just grateful my pitbulls didn’t give chew him a new anus.
Ronin: Hee-hee. And as a bonus, his new big-ass pants weren’t shredded into confetti! By the way, you seemed on edge that day, siccing the dogs on Cletus, just because you didn’t recognize him immediately. What’s with the happy trigger finger, Sifu? Cletus was this close to getting deep-sixed.
Sifu: I don’t usually succumb to fear, but WTF has happened to our area recently. Two of my friends from the neighborhood had their rides stolen from their driveway in the last month. The audacity of these fuckwad criminals jacking whips like that. On top of that, there was a home break-in on the next street recently. It’s not right, at all, so can’t be too careful. I say tear them limb from limb first, and ask for forgiveness later. Work for you, #1?
Ronin: Wow, a bit harsh, big guy. But understandable. It’s upsetting to see this so close to home.
Sifu: It’s def killing my zen vibe, Padawan, and I hate that. I didn’t get my cute puppies to be on guard all day, so I’m investing in more powerful protective devices hidden in the yard, so these clowns will be iced before even getting close to the house. So when you come here next, please don’t just walk into the property without first ringing at the gate. Wouldn’t want to accidentally zap you with 100,000 volts of juice, right?
Ronin: Doh! I do like my hair spiky, but no thank you, sir!
Sifu: You’ll be good – just always read the signs and follow the rules.
Ronin: Done and done! Although, I’m thinking that once any strangers get a good look at you, they would be dumb as fuck to do anything to disrespect you… They’re not that retarded, are they?
Sifu: This is the problem, #1. Remember John Wick? Those young punks killed his puppy and stole his classic Mustang because they didn’t know who he was. True regret didn’t come until later. With me, they see this posh residence with stunning cars in front, but not me – I’m usually not outside. I’d prefer to prevent a John-Wick-type incident and not have to exact revenge against street criminals who don’t know better.
Ronin: Yeah, what’s with criminals these days? Not doing any research on the victim before acting. That’s just dumb AF.
Sifu: Hee-hee. Indeed, Ronin.
Ronin: So what happened with Cletus. What else did you tell him that got him so amped?
Sifu: Oh yes, Cletus, the surprisingly successful serial entrepreneur surfer dude. You def couldn’t tell just by looking at him, but he is really smart at what he does. On the other hand, it seems he’s used up all his superpowers to get rich quick. There’s zero cerebral capacity left to figure out next steps of someone in his position. All that money with no direction can be incredibly treacherous.
Ronin: How so, boss? I don’t get it. More money than Lex Luthor – what could go wrong?
Sifu: Sure, on the surface, it should be a huge advantage for someone like Cletus. Not so fast, Richie Rich. Are you aware that around 70% of lottery winners end up broke and even bankrupt within 5 years of the big win? Lack of financial literacy, management and planning will put these overnight winners in absolute jeopardy to becoming total losers. Could you imagine going from hero to zero so fast?
Ronin: Wow, that’s a crazy stat, Professor! It would be devastating to suffer that. So you imparted some of this knowledge to cousin Cletus?
Sifu: Of course. Yes, in some ways, that big man child is dumb AF, but he got the gist of it, and even he realized he needs help. No way he wants to trade his penthouse condo for a park bench. That shit is real, and he def wants to avoid that hellish fate.
Ronin: Excellent. Cletus is a total doofus, but he has a good heart. I’m glad you set him straight, Sifu. I presume he will be back for lessons from you going forward.
Sifu: Yes, he has much to learn, and he has to do it rather quickly. He will begin later this week. Big smart decisions need to be made – the sooner the better. He has you to thank for getting him on the right path, by directing him this way.
Ronin: Yes sir. The next outing to our favorite izakaya is def on him! Maybe you can also direct Cletus to add me to his will. After all, I did save his idiot savant ass … again!
Sifu: True, true.
Receiving a big cash windfall can be an exhilarating experience. Whether it’s from an inheritance, a lottery win, the sale of a business, or another source, a windfall can open up new opportunities and bring financial security. However, without careful management, a windfall can quickly dissipate, leaving you no better off than before, or worse.
1. Pause and Reflect
Before making any decisions about how to use your windfall, take a moment to pause and reflect. The initial excitement can lead to impulsive spending, which might result in regret later on.
2. Pay Off High-Interest Debt
If you have high-interest debt, such as credit card balances or personal loans, paying it off should be one of your top priorities. High-interest debt can quickly eat away at your financial security.
3. Build or Bolster Your Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is a crucial component of financial security. It’s a reserve of money that you can tap into for unexpected expenses, such as medical bills, car repairs, or job loss. Experts recommend putting three to six months’ worth of living expenses in an easily accessible savings account.
4. Consult with Financial and Tax Professionals
A large windfall can have significant financial implications, and it’s important to seek professional advice to navigate these complexities. Consulting with a financial advisor and a tax professional can help you make informed decisions.
5. Invest for the Future
Investing a portion of your windfall is a key step in building long-term wealth. While it’s tempting to keep the money in a savings account, investing can help your money grow over time.
6. Set Aside Funds for Short-Term Goals
While it’s important to invest for the future, it’s also okay to set aside money for short-term goals or desires. Whether it’s a home renovation, a vacation, or a new car, allocating funds for these purposes can bring you joy without compromising your financial future.
7. Review and Update Your Estate Plan
A windfall can significantly change your financial situation, which may require updates to your estate plan. Ensuring that your estate plan reflects your new wealth is essential for protecting your assets and providing for your loved ones.
8. Consider Charitable Giving
Charitable giving is a meaningful way to use your windfall, and it can also provide tax benefits. Donating to causes you care about can create a lasting impact while reducing your taxable income.
9. Plan for the Long Term
Finally, it’s essential to plan for the long-term future. A windfall can provide financial security for years to come if managed properly.